Pen mark red

Being the professional graduate student that I am,instead of studying for my two finals coming up tomorrow and Tuesday, I am doing this instead. (Not as bad as the 3 hours I just spent making benne wafers, they are supposedly "good luck" anyways, at least according the Gullah people and the Nigerians :) )

Anyways...

In the spirit of my swiftly approaching finals I dedicate the color red to today and the next couple of days. By red I refer to the red inked maker that teachers stereotypically used in grade school to either write a large, beautiful, triumphant "A" or 100 on the top of you assignment, or mark corrections and errors all over the page so that when you got it back your assignment no longer resemble the piece of mastery you handed in but a battlefield of bloody defeat. (As you can tell I took grades very seriously as a child)

Sometimes teachers liked to change it up a bit and use green or blue, or maybe even pencil *gasp.* But, nothing was as daunting as that red. That red that could either represent success or failure. If you think about it the color red often plays the good and the bad guy. A red lipsticked

kiss represents a southern sweatheart on an admirers cheek, or a husband stealing sex-retary on the collar of a button up shirt. Red represents passion but within that passion it can represent love and it can mean hate. Rosy cheeks symbolize health and liveliness, but too much red on those cheeks can mean your embarrassment or a severe illness.

My mother never played the motherly role in matters most mothers would harp on. She let me do as I wanted and go as a I pleased (from my comments on grades above you can probably guess I was no problem child or anything). So, I remember vividly the moments my mother actually decided to put her foot down about something. One such moment was over the color red and a prom dress. Not any particular prom dress, just one in general. I was NOT allowed to wear a red prom dress. Don't ask me why or why mother cared what color prom dress I wore, but in her eyes red was just not acceptable. Don't worry, I didn't decide to become rebellious over a prom dress, I wore green and then highlighter orange my Senior year of high school. (But you know I tried on all of those red dresses just to spite her :) )

If red symbolizes success AND failure, how do we distinguish between the two without that obvious "A" or 100 written on the top of a page? An Emily Dickinson poem I recently read defines success in the eyes of those whom are defeated:

Success is counted sweetest

By those who ne'er succeed.

To comprehend a nectar

Requires sorest need.

Not one of all the purple Host

Who took the Flag today

Can tell the definition

So clear of Victory

As he defeated--dying--

On whose forbidden ear

The distant strains of triumph

burst agonized and clear!

Once we get a taste of our success, our "nectar," we lose appreciation of that success and of the path we took to get there. It is only when we are defeated that we can look back and appreciate the success we had. Love can not tolerate hate, but hate can respect love. Good triumphs over evil, but evil was once good. I do not think we should never be successful, but we must learn to enjoy the Earth before we reach for the stars.

So as I go into my exams this week I must paint my path red for the success I could have and for the things I have learned even if I am defeated.